Remember the time before kids? Remember all the free time that you had to think about and do things purely for yourself? Pedicures? On the reg. Binge watching Sex and the City? Not a problem. Sleeping in or taking a Saturday afternoon nap? Done and done.
During that time, I never once thought I was being selfish. I only ever recognized those activities as part of my self-care regime…. Ways for me to recharge and relax. Then I had kids.
When they were young, my thoughts about allowing myself any time to do a fraction of the afore mentioned things turned into:
“No way lady!”
and
“You don’t have time for those things!”
and
“Shouldn’t you be spending all your time focused on the boys?”
My thoughts about self-care turned into a guilt sandwich served with a side of frustration and resentment. My negative thoughts turned self-care into selfish care in my mind. It turned self-care time into something that either should be avoided; since self-care = selfish care and selfish is bad; or something that some other less-than-perfect-martyr-mom-me would engage in. (again – insert negative and judgmental thoughts and feelings into brain here).
As a result – I shunned anything self-care related from my life. And guess what happened? I turned into a negative, overwhelmed, irrational and irritable person. I couldn’t stand myself.
During my life coach training, I was exposed to The Model and the concept that our thoughts drive how we experience our lives. I learned that I have the power to retrain my brain and practice NEW thoughts that will serve me. I learned how to ditch the old beliefs that were leading me to feel unnecessary negative emotions and act in negative ways. I applied what I learned to my thoughts about self-care being selfish care and practiced a new thought….
“Self-care is ESSENTIAL to help me bring forth my best self to the world.”
I replaced the thought, “I have no time for myself” with this new thought… “When I prioritize time for my self-care, my family gets my full bad-ass self and not a bitchy mom running on fumes.” Once those thoughts were changed, I no longer felt the negative emotions I had associated with self-care. I threw the guilt sandwich in the trash.
With my new thoughts, I felt empowered, valued and rejuvenated. Those new feelings propelled me to change my priorities, find time in the schedule and money in the budget for my self-care activities. When I put these actions into place and experienced my self-care time and activities guilt free, I was then able to bring forth my best self to my family.
Everyone wins.
What thoughts are you having about self-care? Are they serving you? If they aren’t, it’s time to re-examine your thinking.
Only when we take time to think about what we are thinking about can we then proceed to change our thoughts into those that will serve us – that will help us feel what we want to feel and act in ways that we want to act to get the results we desire for ourselves.
I’m here to help you achieve this.
Let’s get started.
Motherhood, Interrupted is a monthly column brought to you by The Eastside Macaroni Kid and The BOLD Moms Life Coaching and BOLD Mom Mentoring. Published every first Thursday of the month starting in May 2017, it will bring you the solidarity and support you need as a mom and a self-care reminder because our needs tend to fall down the list of priorities.
The BOLD Moms focuses on supporting Stephanie Lambert's local Stay-at-Home Mom Sisters (SAHMs) in their journey to create the best life for themselves and - as a happy by-product - their families. As a life coach, she is here to offer a neutral, non-judgmental listening ear mixed with life coaching techniques, training and support to help her clients reconnect with themselves, uncover their unique passions and craft their own happiness to lead a fulfilling and regret-free life.
----
