Parent with a Purpose: Meet Stephanie Lambert

We are very proud to continue the article series called "Parent with a Purpose," highlighting the community efforts of some truly amazing local parents. (Do you know a Parent with a Purpose? Nominate them here!)

Update as of September 2017: SoleCompass is now The BOLD Moms.

What Stephanie Lambert, a local mom and life coach, brings to the forefront isn't new. But nowadays with the high expectations that accompany parenting, and even more so stay-at-home motherhood, it sure seems like a novel idea that being a parent should not be all encompassing. After reading her blog posts and meeting with her, I found her not only to be a fantastic resource of encouragement and wise and true words, but a kindred spirit. She has so much to share, all of which all parents can benefit from. So every first Thursday of the month starting May 4th, she will be contributing to a monthly column we so affectionately dub "Motherhood, Interrupted". In the meantime, get ready to make mental note of all the gems she so generously shares in this interview and find the motherhood solidarity you never knew you needed.

The Eastside Macaroni Kid: What is The BOLD Moms?

Stephanie Lambert: The BOLD Moms focuses on supporting my local Stay-at Home Mom Sisters (SAHMs) in their journey to create the best life for themselves and - as a happy by-product – their families. As a life coach, I am here to offer a neutral, non-judgmental listening ear mixed with life coaching techniques, training and support to help my clients reconnect with themselves, uncover their unique passions and craft their own happiness to lead a fulfilling and regret-free life.

MK: What inspired you to start life coaching and focus solely on stay-at-home moms?

Stephanie: As a Stay-At-Home Mom (SAHM) myself, I was noticing that I was becoming lost in the lives of my two sons. I couldn’t tell where their lives ended and where mine began. I was feeling like the hired help without the sick days and pay. In the process, I was becoming more irritable, anxious, and negative. I discovered the more separated from myself that I was, the more negative I had become.

In the process to help me reconnect with myself, I pursued training in life coaching. I was, and still am, my first client. I learned the techniques and applied them to myself. In the process, I discovered myself again and created the confidence to follow what I feel is truly my path to happiness and fulfillment and has enhanced my connections as mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend.

My life coach training uncovered my passions and goals – which is to create a life coaching service specifically for other stay-at-home moms who may have gone or are going through the same struggles as I have. I wanted to share what I’ve learned so that other SAHMs could more fully enjoy not only motherhood, but their lives outside of that role as well. And, knowing the challenges that a SAHM faces in terms of schedules and available time, I wanted to offer a service that was customized to them.

MK: How would you describe the core mission of The BOLD Moms?

Stephanie: The core mission of The BOLD Moms is to help local Stay-at-Home Moms reconnect with the best version of themselves and to navigate their best life.

MK: Motherhood is tough enough without the added responsibility of nurturing and sending good, kind, self-sufficient citizens out into the world. The first time we met, you said you're trying to get fired as a mother. Explain what you mean and why that should be every mom's goal.

Stephanie: If my main goal as a parent is to have confident, independent, positive members of society exit my house upon graduation (or VERY soon thereafter) – then it helps me to line up my thoughts to this goal.

What can I do, right here and right now, that will align with this priority that I’ve made for myself? I can provide opportunities for my kids to determine and follow their own passions, do their own work thereby creating their own success, build their own resiliency in the face of failure and have them pitch in (Chores – and lots of them!) and see that they are part of something bigger than themselves.

These things help them to become confident, independent, positive members of society.

On the other hand, If I DON’T let them do these things for themselves… If I DON’T give them a little bit of freedom and unstructured time without me being there to direct play or stimulate their educational growth or have them scheduled with lots of extracurricular activities… If I DON’T build time in our daily routine for them to learn the life skills they’ll need when they go out in the world without me… If I DON’T require that they pitch in, show their own work, get the grade they earn, fail and get back up, then I have NOT gotten myself fired come graduation day.

What I WILL have on my hands is a co-dependent relationship where I only feel loved when my boys need me and they haven’t developed the skills and confidence to live without me. And that’s not how I think most moms see the natural, healthy progression of parenting playing out. 

Don’t most moms see a future where their kids are on their own, thriving, being happy and taking care of themselves? If that’s the end goal, we can approach each day with that in mind and make trade-offs and choices that support that goal.

MK: Do you think it's possible for moms to have it all and do it all?

Stephanie: Short answer? No.

It is not possible for moms or anyone to have it all and do it all. We have been sold this myth and I find it to be downright damaging. Believing in this myth heightens our expectations for ourselves, our kids, our mothering, our vacations, our meals, our waistlines – you name it - to dizzying and nosebleed - inducing heights. Thinking we can have it all, that we deserve to have it all, makes us feel anxious and overwhelmed in its pursuit.

But instead of feeling guilty, or less than, or anxious or (insert any negative, beat-yourself-up emotion here) … I say embrace this fact – NO ONE can or does have it all or can do it all - and then feel the relief!

What about changing the question from “How can I have it all?” or “How can I do it all?” to “What do I want in my life?” and “What trade-offs am I willing to make?”
Now THAT is a question worth pondering. Figuring out what is truly important and meaningful to you is something worth pursuing.

MK: What lessons have you learned from all your conversations with other moms about balance?

Stephanie: I’ve learned that we are all struggling with it to some degree. I’ve learned that most moms are simply reacting in the daily moments of their lives and since kids are so unpredictable and ever changing – going through their own phases of development - we seem to go on what I call our kids’ “emotional roller coaster rides” along with them instead of being the ticket takers with our feet firmly and calmly planted on the ground.

I’ve learned that we all want balance, but that we aren’t sure how to get it for ourselves. Most moms I talk to express not having the time or energy to focus on themselves. That they experience feelings of guilt or selfishness and that those feelings then tarnish whatever time they do carve out for themselves. I’ve learned that us moms really don’t give ourselves permission to focus on ourselves. We don’t seem to accept that taking care of ourselves first helps us to bring forth our kick-butt mom-selves to our families.

MK: Let's talk self-care. Why is it important and what awesome examples of self-care -- both big and small -- do you suggest moms make time to do within the next week?

Stephanie: First and foremost, I want all moms out there reading this to practice this thought, “The greatest gift I can give to my children, my partner and the people in my life is MY OWN HAPPINESS.” Practicing this thought will help you feel like you deserve happiness; that your happiness is valuable to not only you but to those that you love. Those feelings will help you to take action and to generate your own happiness, in whatever form that is to you. As moms, we are so amazingly caring and nurturing of those around us, but we need to give that same nurturing energy to ourselves FIRST.

As for concrete examples of self-care? Take time for a walk by yourself. Read a good book either at the library, a coffee shop, or wherever that is NOT at home (Leave your house so that you can really focus on the book, not what little projects around the house you should be doing).

Spring is here – if you like pedicures – now is the time to schedule one. Meet up with another mom friend for coffee, brunch, lunch or drinks. Take a soak with some bath salts, candles, relaxing music (I love spa radio on Pandora for this) and a glass of wine. Take a nap. For those of you moms “in the trenches” with pre-school kiddos and/or younger that are still taking naps – take a nap in your own bed when they are taking a nap in theirs. Don’t use the time to fold laundry, clean the house or even check Facebook. You’ll be amazed at what getting a few extra z’s will do to your energy and compassion levels and rest gets you that much closer to the real you – not the exhausted version of you.

One long-term self-care item I’d suggest moms take time and create space to do for themselves is to create their Top 5 Life Priorities. This isn’t a bucket list, a wish list for when the kids leave the house or a to do list. It is a list of values and goals that you hold most dear. These can be used as overarching goals of your life that you can then measure your daily choices and trade-offs against. It will help you build in time for yourself (as I hope at least one of those big goals is something to the effect of pursuing what makes YOU happy) and it will also allow you to see what things you may be doing now that don’t line up with your big goals. Then, maybe you can diminish time spent doing those things or get them off your schedule entirely – freeing up time to pursue something else that DOES align with your Top 5.

MK: What big things are happening with The BOLD Moms now or in the near future?

Stephanie: I am lining up free workshops with mom’s groups, local co-op preschools and PTSA’s to inspire moms to put themselves on top of their to-do lists and why that is so important. I’m also launching group life-coaching experiences called myT R I B E. myT R I B E is where local moms can gather up a handful of their go-to ladies who encourage and appreciate their most authentic selves and have a dedicated place and time just for moms and their tribe with me to assist in facilitating, listening, finding shared experiences and sharing life coaching lessons to address what your tribe is facing. It is a group life coaching experience like no other.

MK: It's time for a shameless plug.

Stephanie: Please visit me at TheBoldMoms.com where you can see the services I offer and read my blogs on the topics I’ve discussed here and so many more. I’ve also included some of my top book recommendations. 

You can also request a free mini-session for yourself or get your myT R I B E set up for you and your tribe at TheBoldMoms.com.

If you are a part of a mom’s group, a co-op preschool, a PTSA or any group where you would like me to give my free one hour workshop, please contact me at stephanie@theboldmoms.com.

I’m also providing 40% off the first session of all my services for Macaroni Kid readers. Contact me and let’s get you started on navigating your BEST life.

So get in touch with me. This stuff is too good to keep to myself!

MK: I couldn't agree more!

Stephanie Lambert is the owner and life coach of The BOLD Moms based here on the Eastside. When she's not changing lives and shifting the perspective of stay-at-home motherhood, she is busy being the mom to two boys, who are going to make some awesome adults when they grow up! (Well done, mama!)

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